Part of our morning routine on school days is for Cody to tell me, “But we’re not late - we’ve left way later than this before,” when I tell him he needs to get moving so we’ll be on time for school.
I’ve tried explaining to him that we might not be late at that very second, but that if he keeps the pace he’s currently keeping - slow AF - we’ll most definitely be late.
Getting him to understand that he’s still got eight more steps in the 10 steps it takes to get out the door in the morning, requires a degree in childhood development that reaches far beyond the likes of my wildly average parenting.
I get it, though.
I’m basically a living example of a life played out with this very same mindset.
The mindset that says, “I don’t need to get started right now. Things aren’t that bad.”
“I’m not late, yet, I don’t need to leave for 10 more minutes.” **sits and twiddles thumbs for 10 minutes, then jumps up abruptly and scrambles to get ready, even though it’s now effing go-time**
“I don’t need to clean the house today, it’s not that messy.” **kicks back in front of the TV with a few random mismatched socks tossed on the sofa, and - as the narrator’s voice in Sponge Bob Square Pants would say - “Four...years... later…”, you’re walking through your hallway, slapping away at cobwebs and suffering an indoor snowstorm when you turn on the ceiling fan**
“My pants are getting tighter, sure, but I don’t need to diet - I still look and feel great!” **wakes up one day feeling like a greasy turducken on a platter, licking double stuff from its plump little fingers.**
About a year ago, I found out a friend of mine - a skinny friend - was doing Weight Watchers, and I wondered why in the world she would put herself on a diet.
I even felt kinda bad for her that she thought she needed to lose weight, when she didn't at all.
Then yesterday I had an epiphany.
I thought about Cody and how I’m always telling him to get crackin’, we’re gonna be late, because he doesn’t understand that he still has to do the getting-ready part.
And then I remembered my friend posting on Facebook about Weight Watchers, and I now know that I had it all wrong about her.
I realize, now, that she didn't necessarily feel like she needed to lose weight.
She was just trying to make sure she's ready for those changes if/when they start to come.
She was nipping bad habits before they even have a chance to start.
She was getting ready so she wouldn’t be late. (Beatin’ that late-to-school metaphor to a pulp.)
And now, here I am, waaaayyyyy “late for school,” (dammit!) trying to play catch-up on some bad habits that started way back when I was a senior in high school, but didn't have a care in the world about because everything was in its original, upright position, and I could eat whatever I wanted and it never landed anywhere on my body.
But, instead of opening up pictures of myself in the 80’s and grieving the loss of all that was firm and peppy, I’m getting myself together.
Yes, again. 🙄
For my health.
And so I’ll feel more confident.
And also so I can stop being a foul-mouthed hypocrite, schlepping around the house braless with a fat belly hanging out from under a too-small tank top, and a cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth.
Same goes for you.
Not the hypocrite part.
Or the part about schlepping around braless with a fat belly hanging out from under your shirt (which, by the way, you know that’s never happened with me, right? That’s just me trying to make you laugh (did you?).
That’s just part of my self-deprecating humor, which I’ve always thought was funny and charming, but I’m currently listening to You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero, (<— that’s an affiliate link) and one of the points she discusses is how dangerous this type of humor is.
So I do plan to cut back on that kind of negative self-talk. Just not right this second.) **I’m not late, yet! The damage to my self esteem isn’t too far gone, I’ve still got time!**
I’m a work in progress, y’all.
A funny and brilliant blogger I follow, Elease Colcord of The Sunny Side of Something said in a recent post: ‘If even for a second you’ve looked inward and considered possible ways to improve what you’re doing—then you’re already making a difference.’
So see? I’m already making a positive difference for myself!
The thing is, it’s so easy to put off for “just a little longer” what needs to be done right now to stay the course on what you really want.
But by putting it off - you’re putting yourself off.
Over and over and over again.
And then one day, way down the road, you look back and you realize you’ve let down the one person who matters the most.
And then you're getting handed the big tardy slip of life. (Someone stop me!)